My mom died a month ago. I have everything and nothing to share about this. I am not even sure what kind of post I want or need this to be. About her? About me? I am left living with only one of those things, so here we go. As most of you know, I’ve […]
It’s Been a Long Fucking While.
January 12, 2025 | Alzheimer's, caregiving, dementia, life, mental health, selfcare, Uncategorized | Permalink
Mishaps
December 21, 2020 | Alzheimer's, caregiving, dementia, life | Permalink
Yesterday, my dad used a Le Creuset baking dish to try to fry an egg on the stove top. When he cracked the egg into the dish, it shattered into 30 pieces. Today, my mom put toothpaste on a bar of soap in order to brush her teeth. THIS later insanity, I caught in the […]
New Feature! Things my dad can’t remember!
Things my dad can’t remember : What happened yesterday. The date, day of the week. How to manage his own finances. That my mom can no longer eat certain foods, and/or needs help in the bathroom and on the stairs. That I have begged him on more than on occasion not to watch violent or […]
WTF
December 9, 2020 | Alzheimer's, caregiving, life | Permalink
What the hell happened? How did I just drop off the map in March and, quite literally, forget that this blog was sitting here? I’ll tell you. COVID happened and they sent my kid home from school and she has not been back since. A spring, a summer, a fall and it’s now December. So […]
Just Plain sad.
March 17, 2020 | Alzheimer's, dementia, life, patriarchy | Permalink
My Aunt died today. A quick and intense battle with ALS. I guess if I could choose 5-month struggle with ALS or years and years with Alzheimer’s… oh, man. So I told my mom first thing in the morning. She is weirdly spared her grieving today as she can’t seem to remember for more than […]
Sad face. Covid-19 style.
March 14, 2020 | caregiving, health, life, mental health, parenting | Permalink
In the days leading up to the covid-19 social isolation, I felt a distinct thrill like you might on the eve of a snow day or the moment the lights go out and you have to find the candles, but as I face this first full day, I just have to say that I am […]
The Hardest Part
March 13, 2020 | caregiving, life, mental health, patriarchy | Permalink
When I decided to move home to be the full-time caregiver for my family, I expected the hardest part would be to manage my mom’s ever-increasing dementia. Of course, this would be hard. The world tells you how hard this will be and I had few illusions. I also wondered if being a for-real stay […]
This shitty week
March 13, 2020 | caregiving, health, life | Permalink
This week, I took my dad to the ER for what looked like a heart attack (it was not). My aunt was moved to hospice and my cousins have no idea if she will be 5 days or 5 months. I scheduled an appointment with a lawyer for the first time ever to make sure […]
ugh.
March 12, 2020 | Alzheimer's, dementia, health, life | Permalink
Things my mom can’t remember : What happened 5 minutes ago. That her sister is dying. That there is a global pandemic. The year, month, day of the week. I want all of this to seem shocking and unreasonable, but the truth is it’s totally mundane. Millions of people in this country alone can’t remember […]
The Things We Know
March 2, 2020 | Alzheimer's, caregiving, dementia, life | Permalink
My mom started showing signs of dementia right around the time my kid was born. Maybe even before. That was six years ago. I took her to see her first neurologist 5 years ago. We were sent home with the advice that my mom should exercise more. “There was nothing to be done,” they told […]
Where to start? Again.
February 23, 2020 | caregiving, life | Permalink
The daughter I tried so hard for back in 2011 and 2012 is now 6 and a half. She is fucking brilliant. Hard, but brilliant. Her name is Pema Aldrin Lenz. Best. Name. Ever. After only two years of my daughter’s life, her dad and I split. We continued to live together for our finances […]
Found it.
December 19, 2012 | life, pregnancy? | Permalink
Well, there it is. Right where it’s supposed to be. Not in a tube, not stuck in an ovary. Right there, all cozy, in my funny little uterus. I can barely believe my luck is holding out.
Week 5 begins today. At least I think it does.
December 18, 2012 | health, life, pregnancy? | Permalink
I am a little confused about how far along I really am because the whole “your pregnancy starts with the first day of your last period” thing only works if you have a 28 day cycle and ovulate on day 14 which I don’t and didn’t. If I work backwards from the day I actually […]
So
December 13, 2012 | health, life, pregnancy? | Permalink
My HCG and progesterone levels look “ideal”. I have to return to Dr. K’s on monday for more blood work to make sure I am progressing properly hormone-wise. But um so. I am pregnant. Didn’t think I would ever type those words. And while I am deeply aware that so many things could go so […]
Day Two. 2 Tests.
December 12, 2012 | health, life, pregnancy? | Permalink
SO here we are. I go to Dr K’s tomorrow for “blood work”. Still only cautiously optimistic. So much up to chance. PS : How am I supposed to work today??
© by Special Torture, 2025
proudly powered by WordPress
Theme: lenora by pixxels.at
Hosted by Datarealm