mental health

  • UnLucky in Limerence

    …and Other MisAdventures in Attachment Injury and Trauma Response. Tristan and Isolde with the Potion (1916) by John William Waterhouse  Public Domain. Cropped from original via Wikimedia Commons Content note: This essay discusses trauma, childhood neglect & abuse, fawning, dissociation, neurodivergence, sex, and—gasp—Pre-Raphaelite art. Have you ever heard of limerence? I hadn’t until very recently.…

  • Support for Square Pegs

    Or, how to find community when you don’t quite fit. Generated by ChatGPT, 11/08/25 Content note: This essay discusses infertility, breastfeeding, dementia, caregiving, childhood trauma, complex PTSD, grief, and loss. I have not had the best luck with support groups. Or rather, maybe it’s just more accurate to say that support groups are complicated,…

  • From Addiction to Acceptance

    ENG 100, Paper 1. Tech Reflection. Oct, 2025 How Changing My Relationship with Social Media Made Everything Better.  I was addicted to social media. Fully addicted, and I hated it. For more than a decade—from installing the apps on my first smartphone until just after my 50th birthday—checking Facebook and Instagram was the first…

  • Happy St Jude’s Day

    Happy St Jude’s day to you all!  Today I registered for spring classes here at DCCC, and I am over the moon about how much I love school and how good it feels to flex in this way. I am killin it. I am writing all the time. I am taking good care of…

  • Hello, Heartache.

    If you had told me I would be weeping for anything other than sheer relief a month and a half after two hospice journeys and my seven-year career as a caregiver ended, I would have told you to shut your pretty mouth. But here I am, heartbroken and lonesome, crying myself to sleep. Oh,…

  • F-A-W-N

    Or how many times can I use the word “fuck” in a single of writing? I tend to think about my nervous system only when I am feeling fucking nuts: the escalation of flight, the shutdown of freeze.  I know this kind of dysregulation all too well. These are my steadfast, vigilant companions, and…

  • Hospice, Take 2

    Three of Swords from Tarot of Mystical Moments by Catrin Welz-Stein, Reversed. Hospice for Haters Hospice for the Hopeless Hospice for Healers? The last syringe of morphine I administered to my mother on her deathbed was met with a clamped jaw, pursed, unyielding lips, and tears rolling down her cheeks. I will probably never…

  • What I mean when I say…

    The 10 of Swords from Tarot of the Mystical Moments by Catrin Welz-Stein The title of this essay comes from Annie Kotowicz’s short and sweet memoir, What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic. Consider this a set of CliffNotes to my experience of neurodivergence and related subjects.  In each section, I will share…

  • Neurotypical Failure

    The Moon from Mystical Moments Tarot by Catrin Welz-Stein For most of my life, I’ve felt like a failure. A rather fair-to-middling one, I grant you—I did have loads of privilege and a cussed determination to fall back on—but a failure nonetheless.  Let’s get right to it. I started struggling—and failing—young. My entire academic…

  • Be like Becky.

    I admire this human endlessly. I marvel at her regularly. She was a rare and brilliant gem. Today is Becky’s birthday, and boy, do I miss her. I miss her warmth, her charm, her talent, her goofiness… I even miss the feeling of being so much less—less charming, less impressive, less popular, all of…

  • Upon 51

    Kiddo and I had an archery lesson. I managed a few bullseyes. The rest were hers. Today is my 51st birthday. If I ever have moments of doubt about how well loved I am, all I need to do is remember how, each year on June 10th, the tiny computer in my pocket practically…

  • On Losing a Mother

    Writings from April to June, 2025 [Nine of Swords from Tarot of Mystical Moments by Catrin Welz-Stein] My mom died six months ago, right before Christmas of 2024.  And I have a confession.  But first, allow me to state a few things before I share my admission. I want and need to, so you…

  • It’s Been a Long Fucking While.

    My mom died a month ago.  I have everything and nothing to share about this. I am not even sure what kind of post I want or need this to be. About her? About me? I am left living with only one of those things, so here we go. As most of you know,…

  • Sad face. Covid-19 style.

    In the days leading up to the covid-19 social isolation, I felt a distinct thrill like you might on the eve of a snow day or the moment the lights go out and you have to find the candles, but as I face this first full day, I just have to say that I…

  • The Hardest Part

    When I decided to move home to be the full-time caregiver for my family, I expected the hardest part would be to manage my mom’s ever-increasing dementia. Of course, this would be hard. The world tells you how hard this will be and I had few illusions. I also wondered if being a for-real…